Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! You’ve come so far to be with us in this city of the damned, this darkly blazing ruin they call San Diego! You’ve even managed to find your way to tables F3 and E9!
I ask you… can you go on?
Dare you brave our dazzling cavalcade of mystery? Behind each curtain lies the unthinkable, the unknowable, the unwantable! Do you have what it takes to peer behind the very fabric of reality? To lift the hem of this veil of tears and see what lurks... beyond?
Do you think art is for the birds? Does the idea of cold little feet tipped with razor sharp claws scrabbling in your eye sockets make you ‘orni? Then let me challenge you with this perilous personality… Sarah Feliciano the Ornithological Oddity! They say one in the hand is worth two in the bush! I’ll let you be the judge…
Birds aren’t your thing you say? Then what about something of a more piscine persuasion? The chill delights of the unfathomed deeps pervade our next act! Gasp in amazement! Flop in wonderment! Stiffen with rigor when you see… Thomas Bryski and His Dancing Fish! Afterwards, why not stop by our concession stand for a nice snack? I recommend the Bryski and chips! It isn’t fresh, but at least it’s tasteless!
Is he here? Is he there? Is he anywhere? The sign says amazement, but the stage is empty. Or is it? The sound of heavy breathing in the shadows, a clammy palm on the back of your neck makes you unsure. Where did your wallet go? No one knows! No one but… William Halliar the Amazing Invisible Artist! Where is his art you ask? Everywhere! You just can’t see it in this light spectrum! Come back when your sun is a red dwarf!Still here eh? So you have a predilection for the macabre and the mysterious! Then maybe our next act is exactly what you’re looking for? Perhaps you have questions about the distant past or want predictions about the more recent past? Either way there is no doubt that the devils blood runs through the beard of… Jose Feliciano the Mediocre! Question him at your peril for he wears a bandanna soaked in the sweat of El Diablo!
You made it to the end and you still thirst for more? Then perhaps our final act will be the one that sends you shrieking into the night! Here is a thing more terrifying than a warp core breach! More evil than Ganon! A soul shredding nightmare akin to rolling a natural one on a twenty sided die! His sword is foam rubber but his Phaser is an authorized replica! He is… Raz Ortiz the Fascinating Human Geek! See him quick! His mother will be here at ten to pick him up!
Well, well, well. You survived our little gauntlet of phantasmagorical frippery? I’m impressed! Few have the stomach to make it this far! I’ve seen strong men, men with necks thick as four badgers, faint dead away after seeing those dancing fish! I tip my hat to you.
But refund your money? No, that is an act of prestidigitation that even the mysterious mystic Jose Feliciano could not perform!
